5 ways to smuggle booze onto your cruise

It’s no co-incidence that the title rhymes, we are clearly genius, as can be seen by a smuggling methods.

Far be it for us to suggest that people may want to get drunk on vacation but let’s face it..they do! A cruise vacation is great thing but a trip to the bar could leave you feeling a little like you have just been mugged. Why pay the ridiculous prices when you can buy the same drinks ashore for a quarter of the price and smuggle them on board.

This article is provided purely for information use only and you will probably be thrown off your cruise if you get caught.

1. In your bag. This is the number one method that the party cruiser uses to try and get their contraband on board. I think the name pretty much speaks for itself and believe it or not the powers that be have seen this method a number of times. You have a 25% chance of success, the chinking noise usually gives you away.

2. Under your hat. Yes I know it sounds like something Yogi Bear would try but imagine your friend’s faces when you show the cheap plonk in a comedy reveal moment that will live in their minds forever. The down side is that you are probably going to only get a few miniatures in there. Chance of success – 50%.

3. Up your ass. Depending on the size, you could probably fit a few miniatures up there. As if cramming vodka up your ass isn’t bad enough you may be in for a nasty surprise if you can’t come up with a good excuse for your limp. 90% chance of success and the added advantage that none of your friends will want to share your ill earned gains.

4. In your wooden leg. Possibly the most successful way to smuggle booze onboard is encapsulated in your wooden legs. The only down side is that you have to have at least one leg missing but because of the embarrassment factor nobody is likely to ask to search your false leg. Not sure what the chance of success is but it must be quite high.

5. Bribe a staff member. Cruise line workers are not known for their good pay and list of benefits. If you find a member of staff that can bring the booze on then you will be laughing all the way to the cabin. You could trick them into having a homosexual affair and then take pictures and video, leaving them wide open to blackmail.

We don’t want to encourage this sort of thing but just thought that you should be aware that there are other options rather than paying the high price. All you need to do is stretch your ass, amputate limbs or come out of the closet and you will be well on your way to saving a few dollars.